Waiting for Rejection

Why We May Hold On When Love Fades

Scrolling through social media and radio waves lately, I’ve been struck by a chorus of voices from women trapped in loveless relationships. They see the red flags waving, feel the disconnect in their own bones, yet they wait – for the final word, the official break-up, the push that sets them free.

I confess, this resonates with me. I, too, clung to a relationship beyond its expiry date, a prisoner of unspoken goodbyes. It’s tempting to write it off as a collective case of amnesia, where the signs become mere circus acts instead of urgent sirens. But it’s deeper, more nuanced than that.

Perhaps it’s the cultural echo of the “damsel in distress,” waiting for Prince Charming to break the spell. We learn, often subtly, that initiating action, especially in love, is a misstep. We toss hints like breadcrumbs instead of boldly claiming our desires. This unspoken rule has led many women to sit and wait for the decision to be made on their behalf – usually by patriarchy. If the man doesn’t take the first step to tell you to leave, then maybe hopefully waiting for your brothers/father to come and “rescue” you.

But it’s not just societal scripts. Sometimes, fear paints the exit door with invisible chains. Fear of judgment, of loneliness, of losing the familiar, even the fear of hurting the other person (a burden we often shoulder disproportionately). We cling to the wreckage, hoping against hope that maybe, just maybe, things will miraculously right themselves.

Then there’s love, that elusive, potent force. Letting go of someone you once loved, even if the love has morphed into resentment or apathy, is excruciating. We hold onto memories, promises, and the flicker of hope that rekindling the flame is possible.

There’s no one-size-fits-all answer. Each woman’s story is a tapestry woven with unique threads of cultural expectations, personal anxieties, and the complex tapestry of love and loss. But by starting this conversation, by sharing our vulnerabilities and exploring the tangled knot of reasons why we stay, we begin to unravel the silence and empower ourselves to claim the narratives of our own hearts.

This is just an invitation to delve deeper into this multifaceted issue. Let’s share our experiences. I only have questions, no answers!

The ‘Perfect Storm’ for Violence

‘Ndotoshaya chandakaroorera’ (I ask my self why I married you)

‘Saka ndizvo zvamunoswera muchiita kana ndiri kubasa izvi?’ (So this is how you spend your day when I am at work?)

‘Waneta nekuenda kuchibhorani nekubika chete zuva rese?’ (You’re tired from going to the community borehole to fetch water and the cooking you did today only?).

These are some of the words I hear daily now. It’s hard to believe that this was someone that was once in love with me. There is always something that he complains about every day. When he can’t get his way to crush me mentally, he is sure to do it physically. I am also physically tired as added to taking care of the 3 children, he has become the fourth whilst he spends his time on the television or drinking alcohol whilst basking in the sun. This pandemic has not only brought anxiety of not being sure of what the future holds, but also a lot of pain and suffering from an abuser who I call a husband. Please do not ask me why I haven’t left…where will I go?

Did you know?

Victims of domestic violence are facing heightened risk during the Covid-19 crisis and some could be killed by violent partners.

Some women seeking to flee abusive and violent relationships since the pandemic began are now, in fact, being forced to spend more time with their abusers

India reported double the usual number of domestic abuse cases in the first week of nationwide movement restrictions, according to the country’s National Commission for Women.

Cases in France rose by a third in the week after the lockdown. While Australia reported a 75% increase in internet searches relating to support for domestic violence victims. (Source – RTE)

Early reports from China show at least a tripling of domestic violence. Cities across Europe and the U.K. are also reporting surges in domestic violence calls.

The United States is seeing a similar pattern. For example, in Seattle, one of the first U.S. cities to have a major outbreak, the police saw a 21% increase in domestic violence reports in March – (Source – The Conversation)

Add another public health crisis to the toll of the new coronavirus: Mounting data suggests that domestic abuse is acting like an opportunistic infection, flourishing in the conditions created by the pandemic.

Covid-19 has become the ‘perfect storm’ for violence. For many women, more time at home means more physical abuse from family members. For women who did not know they had married an abuser, the true picture is coming out now. For women who would find refuge with friends or family, now there is nowhere to go. For women that may have been ready to leave, now they have to endure another 21 days with the hope that they will make it out alive. Remind someone today that they do not have to wait it out, if they are unsafe, they can call for help and there are facilities available to assist women in need. Check on someone today.