5 Things on my bucket list

A few days ago just before Zimbabwe, and many other countries went into an official 21 day lock down due to the Coronavirus global pandemic, I thought it would be a good thing to keep us hopeful and expectant for a good read tomorrow. Being in Ireland at the moment I have been on lock down for 20 days, with 19 days to go. The second week was tough for me, a lot of anxiety and depression all balled up in one; almost everything was closed, goals I had set for myself had been automatically cancelled and it kind of felt like there was not much to look forward to. I hope for those that are just getting into their 21 day lock down, this challenge will give you something to look forward to (even if you’re a reader and not a blogger) and may it be some form of therapy as we go through these days of uncertainty – that’s now also a blog for another day.

Image Credit – Mum Mudding Through

However, onto the business of the day. Day 2 we’re talking about 5 things on my bucket list.

1. Shaving my head bald

I have promised my self that the day I buy my dream car I will shave my head bald, #laughs. When you’re driving a nice car, no one cares what you look like or what you’re wearing, your car will speak on your behalf. So the day I buy a Discovery (black on black) and/or a G-Wagon, I am officially shaving all my hair off. P.S the hair on my head. That’s also like a 2 in 1 bucket list point right, buying my dream car and going bald, but they will go hand in hand, not one without the other.

Image credit – Pintrest

2. Bungee jumping

I have figured that the older I get, the more I am over thinking situations. I over think heights and I also hate that falling feeling; but I live for adrenaline so I will still do it. Bungee jumping has been on my list for the longest, and I am keeping it there. Maybe something to do on my 40th birthday – and no, don’t remind me that I am closer to 40 than I am to 21. How about a bungee jumping wedding? lol

Bungee Jump Wedding Ceremony – Independent.ie

3. Sky diving

How can I bungee jump and not sky dive, the 2 will go hand in had. Possibly not in the same year but this should also happen. The thought of free falling alone scares and excites me all at the same time.

4. Going to a nude beach

Imagine the freedom of walking naked in public with noone looking at you some typpa way because they are also naked. My birthday is in a few weeks and hoping that covid-19 would have slowed down, exploring the nude beach here in Ireland might just be a good option. After getting that thought to maybe do it this year, I just found a list of possible beaches to skinny dip; Nuddist Beaches in Ireland . And when I am back I will have a blog up on what I would have found interesting about my experience at a nude beach. I also can’t swim so I won’t be diving in, my only form of skinny dipping will be walking into the water to levels that I can still stand.

5. Running a marathon

Last but not least, number 5. I want to run a marathon. I actually last properly ran during my days in High School. I think I did my fair share then (excuses). I was however never a long distance runner, and I don’t know if I am now, but I do want to run at least 1 marathon in this life time – medal to be posted soon.

Day 3 tomorrow and get ready to hear ‘things you want to say to 5 different people’. You may just be on my list so see you then.

#lockdownblog

Dear mama, Thank you for leaving

Being the eldest of my siblings, I had lived through the different stages, I had seen how the toxic relationship had grown and transformed, not for the better though, but it had become more toxic. I now knew the routine, I knew how it would go from a ‘simple’ argument to things being thrown around and eventually to a physical fight which usually led to one person leaving the house for the day and sometimes even for the night. The person who usually left was my dad and what was sad about him leaving was we also knew where he was going, and my greatest fear was that one day he would not return. I remember my cousin being sent into the house to get a glass of water when my parents were just starting an argument outside, I begged her not to take that glass of water outside because I knew the intention was for it to be used as a weapon when the argument got heated. There were steps, there was a routine. We knew it, we were getting used to it but we could also do nothing about it.

Image from depositphotos.com

My mother’s friends always asked her why she was staying yet my father was so abusive. He was not just physically abusive but verbally too and to an extent financially. My mother had given up her career to have children and to take care of us, to build a home and to make sure we could later build our own. Many times I felt guilty because it was as if she was staying because of us. What she was not aware of was that staying hurt us more than it did good, staying damaged us more than it built us. Staying may have seemed like a better choice for the sake of the children but to us it was simply the worst decision they both could have made. What also came as a surprise to me is even when a family meeting was called, no one ever questioned my dad for being abusive, because to me, he was the one with the problem and not my mother. But what did we know, we were just children. Actually, wait a minute, as a matter of fact, we did know something, we knew that the violence was extending to us. We also knew that we were getting into more fights at school, we found that violence was our response to most matters.

Image source – insufferablecunt.wordpress.com

Finally, one day she gathered the guts to leave, I was picked up from school and the route we took was not to the house I knew. She had finally moved out and took us with her as they were sorting out the details of the separation. I felt a load had been lifted, felt as if her freedom was mine, her happiness was mine. But something I never told her was;

 

Dear mama,

Thank you for leaving. Thank you for leaving a situation that made you unhappy. Thank you for leaving a situation that made you forget who you were. Thank you for leaving a situation that made us unhappy, although you do not realize it; it made us more unhappy to see you unhappy. Thank you for the strength you showed through the difficulties. Thank you for the strength you showed in leaving a situation that was not good for you or those around you. Now I know it is okay to leave, now I know that leaving was never a sign of weakness.

yours truly

xxxx

Did you know?

• A child who is exposed to violence in the home also risks being abused and will, quite reasonably, fear for their own safety.
• Evidence shows that men’s use of violence and controlling behaviour towards an intimate partner often extends to physically punishing their children as a means of discipline. Importantly, research is now revealing that women who experience violence at the hands of a partner are more likely to use physical punishment to discipline their children. This further drives the cycle of intergenerational violence.
• The impact of experiencing or witnessing violence as a child has wide-ranging and long lasting effects. When a child experiences violence at home, they learn to tolerate violence. They are also at an increased risk of suffering from poor mental health, engaging in drug and alcohol abuse and risky sexual behaviours, and contracting HIV. They are also more at risk of behavioural problems such as aggression, delinquency and poor social functioning.
• Growing up in violent households affects a child’s sense of security, self worth and how they relate to other children.
• children who have experienced violence are more likely to lack empathy towards others. That means they’re more likely to perpetrate violence. It is this aspect of exposure to violence that drives its intergenerational transmission. This has a direct impact on their relationships with intimate partners, as well as their ability to be emotionally responsive parents. (Source – The Conversation)