I must have been 15years old, the day I forgot to wear my bra to school. I wasn’t young enough to need a reminder to wear my underwear, but I was old enough to totally forget it. It was during winter, so I was lucky enough to be able to wear my jersey all day. The only problem came when I had to attend basket ball practice without a bra – my small boobs saved the day and the shame.
I was 16 years old when I forgot to wear any roll-on to school. Again I wasn’t young enough to need a reminder to wear deodorant, but again, I was old enough to totally forget it. Again it was in the winter, so I was lucky enough to not be sweating all day. The problem came when I had to attend basket ball practice after a full day without roll on – at least my armpits were shaven and changing room talks allowed me to ask for some anti perspirant to save the shame.
I was 17 years old when I suffered my first heartbreak, my high school love. As you might have it, he decided to break up with me by showing up at a school function with someone else. Again it was in the winter, so I was lucky enough to be able to hide my tears behind a scarf. The problem came when I sat a few seats behind him and his new girlfriend through out the movie premier and watched as he did everything with her that he used to do with me – at least I had good friends that didn’t make fun of the situation and helped me through it.
I was 14 years old when I was touched inappropriately by a guy that I had just met that night. It was at a school function and he was a visiting student from another school. We were introduced by a friend and we seemed to get along. Later that night as we were sitting and talking he started running his hands up my skirt, then the other hand down my blouse. There were so many other people around us, but I didn’t even have the voice to scream. I never reported him either, I mean who would have believed me right. In that little skirt, I was asking for it right?
I am now way out of my teenage years and know even better that I should have not been ashamed of not having worn a bra that day. I am much older and I am glad I used my voice to ask my team mate for that deodorant. I’m not 14 any more and wish every girl and woman would know how to use their voice in uncomfortable and inappropriate situations…I know now that I should have reported that guy – someone would have listened and believed me. It’s not being touched inappropriately or fondling or groping – it’s sexual assault
Using euphemistic language downplays the severity of an offence and enforces a dangerous message: it isn’t a big deal, and victims won’t be taken seriously
Did you know?
Sometimes, the reason behind a reluctance to use accurate language is more compassionate than malicious – an attempt to avoid the reality of what happens to girls and women on a regular basis. It is easier to rely on euphemistic language, such as “groping” or “fondling”, than to talk about sexual assault. But that doesn’t help, because we inadvertently end up downgrading the severity of the offence, which, in turn, helps normalise it. It’s a trivialisation that leads to a culture where victims are doubted and/or blamed. Was it really sexual assault, or just a quick caress? Are you honestly going to make a fuss about a pat on the bottom?
It is a message so entrenched in society that the vast majority of women and girls are completely unaware that being touched on the breasts, grabbed between the legs or squeezed on the bottom, among other common experiences, could constitute sexual assault. Many girls come to see this behaviour as normal – expected even – and simply the price you pay for being a woman. This means not only that victims are much less likely to report what has happened (or feel able to complain in a workplace, nightclub or school setting), but also that perpetrators are unaware of the severity of committing such offences. – The Guardian
Munhukadzi 