What I Fear Most about Walking Alone

I couldn’t find my earphones this morning, so I missed my morning walk. I missed my morning walk because I failed to get myself to walk down the streets without my music playing loud. Loud enough to not hear the cat calling and the comments, but low enough to be aware of my surroundings. Comments not only from builders and gardeners, add bus drivers and other men driving to work in theirs cars. As if the things I have to consider before taking a walk are not enough. I have to consciously think about the time of day I decide to walk; it can’t be too early in the morning because it will be too dark; it can’t be way too later in the day, because it might just get dark before I get back home. I have to plan out which route to walk, it can’t be a less busy road, I may just get mugged as I walk, if not kidnapped or worse; it can’t be a way too busy road – the last time I did that a random driver thought it would be fun to drive into the opposite lane close to the foot path I was walking on and attempted to ‘tap’ my ass – he missed, but I didn’t walk that same route the next couple of days because I was still #shook.

I couldn’t find my earphones this morning, so I missed my morning walk. I missed my morning walk because my mind quickly rushed to my fourteen year old self. Fourteen and walking in my neighborhood to a nearby kiosk. The only thing I was scared of was the viscous dog that we all knew in the hood, but I was glad the gate to that house was closed and locked. Little did I know that the neighborhood had more to fear than just the dog. As I approached the kiosk, one of two ‘boys to men’ that were seated at a close by house started catcalling and shouted a random greeting. I ignored, to which they immediately started hailing insults. Was ignoring my only crime that I had committed, and enough to warranty insults? All the same I decided to ignore that too, but as I was walking back home I noticed that they had started following me. At this moment I wished the gate to the house with the viscous dog was not locked. At least we would either all be chased by the dog – I would have chosen the dog at this moment. As the two boys got closer to me, one of them started tapping my shoulder then eventually grabbed my arm. Reflex action and defense mode led me straight into slapping him and immediately running away. I do not want to imagine what could have happened if those two people who were walking from the direction I was running to suddenly showed up around the corner. I never walked back to that kiosk again because I was #shook.

I couldn’t find my earphones this morning, so I missed my morning walk. I missed my morning walk because some men in my society feel entitled to women’s bodies, some men have no respect for women, and some just have no respect for themselves. I hate feeling unsafe when I walk certain paths knowing that even if anything against my will was to happen, those around me could easily ignore. I hate having to think twice before stepping out of the gate, knowing that I cannot enjoy the freedom to walk and enjoy the fresh air just because someone else out there feels that public spaces are not a place for women to be alone. An evening jog is a luxury only men possess.

I found my earphones during the day so I managed to take an end of day walk. I managed to block out most of the noise, but as you would obviously have it – hand gestures and facial expressions were the order of the day #sighs. Do you have any fears or experiences about walking alone?

Not a Zimbabwean study, but look at these stats;

Source – Cairn Info

Several studies done over the 1980s and 90s sought to explain the real origin of these fears. Direct experience of violence, or knowing a close friend or family member, co-worker, or neighbor who has been attacked, may increase the feeling of fear about certain situations or public places

(Gardner, 1990; Valentine, 1992a)