In the beginning was a word…and the words became a blog

I am not sure if I can actually call myself a blogger, I usually decide to call myself a writer, but who cares about the labels right? However I will be taking up the BLOGGER title after this 30 day blogging challenge. 
My blogging journey started way before it reached Word press, more like I used to blog a lot it my own head. I started this blog page in 2015 but only shared a post in 2016 and two posts in 2017 (before today), pretty sad I know. Quick rewind to how I started; I lost my dad in 2007, he and I were pretty close. Actually pretty is an understatement. I did not take the loss really well and being the last born and the weakest link in this equation I was expected to be strong for the rest of the team; the team is only as strong as its weakest link (so they say). Unfortunately I only managed to be strong for a little while before a complete breakdown. I remember one day I decided to write a letter to God and another to my late dad. Pheeww, that’s exactly how I felt as I signed off “from daddy’s lil girl”. BANG! I had found my outlet, I had found my own therapy. I started sharing some of my letters on my Facebook page once a year on my dad’s memorial, as much as that was an outlet for myself I also discovered that I was reaching out to other people that were going through something similar, any form of grief as a matter of fact. Below is one of my letters that I wrote 5 years after my dad passed away, on this day I made a conscience decision to change my letter content (after this one) to celebrating rather than tear soaked letters, and the content in those to God also changed.

Dear Daddy
Five years on and memories are still fresh

Still fresh as I recall it all just like yesterday

Just like yesterday that I could wake up every morning to see you

To see you smiling at me as if I was the reason the sun was rising in the morning

The sun rising in the morning was a symbol for you to show your appreciation

Your appreciation for LIFE, for LOVE, for FAMILY, for FRIENDS and every blessing God gave you

Every blessing God gave you, you knew how to count it twice

Count it twice because you knew how to acknowledge and appreciate

How to acknowledge and appreciate I learnt from you.
Five years on and memories are still fresh

Still fresh and dreams feel so real, so real that I don’t wanna wake up

I don’t wanna wake up because I want them to be everlasting

Everlasting the laughs we are sharing and the smiles 

Smiles as we share the stories of life

Stories of life and the things that meant the most to you

To you your family came first – thank you for loving us

Loving us as we are and never trying to change me

If in life we had to choose our dads from a catalogue, I would not have picked you

Not picked you because I did not deserve the unconditional love you gave me.

Five years on and the memories are still fresh

Still fresh and the dream I had last night was a closure for me

Closure for me as I saw you taking your last breath and saying good bye

Good bye? I told you I love you, you replied with “I love you too”

I love you too, the last words you said and died

May this be the last dream and may my heart allow you to rest in peace

Rest in Peace and May all that remains be memories

Memories of LOVE, LIFE, FRIENDS, FAMILY, LAUGHTER, HOLIDAYS, LEADERSHIP, COMPANIONSHIP.
Five years on and memories are still fresh

Still fresh but today I have made a decision to let go

To let go of all the tears and the pain

Tears and the pain that make me cry when I think or dream of you

Thinking or dreaming of you will now only result in smiles and joy

Smiles and joy to celebrate the life we shared

Life we shared for 19years 5 months and 4 days

19 years 5 months and 14days on the 18th of October 2007.
Five years on and the memories are still fresh

Still fresh but may your soul rest in eternal peace

Rest in eternal peace dad, until we meet again

Until we meet again at the feet of God
I Love You; Five years on
From daddy’s lil girl.

I always thought one day I would get around to writing a short book on using writing to manage grief, but that day is not yet here, it will come though. If you go through my posts that I have shared thus far, I identify as an African Feminist, and most of my writings are on women’s issues though my passion is around gender based violence.  Almost all the bloggers I have interacted with this week have spoken about how they do not blog as much as they would want to, and that has been me too. I know in the back of my head that I need to write more, but it clearly takes more than just the thought; in this playing field just the thought doesn’t count. 
Quick facts;

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      10 thoughts on “In the beginning was a word…and the words became a blog

      1. I’m sorry for your loss Tina. Nothing can ever console the loss of a loved one. However, you managed to grow out of your pain and found an outlet and it has also helped those around you manage their issues in one form or the other and that Tina is a beautiful thing!

        Liked by 1 person

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